Ep 276: 50th Birthday Reflections & Special Tribute

Dr. Nicole (00:00): In this special episode of the podcast, I am doing some birthday reflections, including a tribute to my late dad and my late sister. Welcome to the All about pregnancy and birth podcast. If you're having a baby in the hospital, you are giving birth in a system that too often takes away power from women over what happens in their own bodies. I'm Dr. Nicole Calloway Rankins, a practicing board certified OBGYN, who's had the privilege of helping well over a thousand babies into this world. I've been a doctor for over 20 years, and I'm here to help you take back your power, advocate for yourself, and have the beautiful pregnancy and birth that you deserve. This podcast is for educational purposes only, and it's not a substitute for medical advice. Check out the full disclaimer at drnicolerankins.com/disclaimer. Now, let's get to it. Hello there. Welcome to another episode of the podcast.

(01:00): Whether it is your first time being here or you have listened before, I am so grateful that you are spending some of your time with me today. So this episode is a bit different. It is coming out shortly after my 50th birthday, which was on October 13th. And 50 is of course a big milestone birthday, and I just have to take a few moments and reflect and express my gratitude and thoughts on what helped me to get here and get here at 50 and be healthy and be happy, and also a little bit about what's next for me in this next phase of my life. So although this is a bit of a different episode, I do hope that you enjoy it. Now, the first thing that is top of mind as I am headed into my fifties is that this is my first birthday without my dad, and I have to express gratitude to my late dad.

(02:08): If you don't know, my dad passed away last month and he was such a big part of my life and a big part of me being who I am today. I'm going to try not to cry, so forgive me if I do, but I was a huge daddy's girl. I really could do no wrong in his eyes when I mean when I say it just wasn't possible. And we were so much alike that my mom called us twins, and I inherited some of the best parts of me from him as well as some of the not so best parts of me from him. We really, really, really were very much alike, and my dad was truly a standard for fatherhood. I could not have asked for a better father. I was loved throughout my life, by him, supported by him, and quite honestly, I was spoiled, to tell you the truth.

(03:12): So sit with me for a moment while I honor him by sharing a little bit about him, and I'm just taking this from his obituary, which I wrote, and then also some comments that I said about him at his funeral. And again, bear with me. I'm going to try not to cry. So my dad was lost in Larry Callaway Jr. And he passed away at age 85 on September 10th, 2024 after a long and joy filled life. He was born March 13th. We're both born on the 13th, 1939 in Chatham, Virginia. That's just outside of Danville. And his life journey was defined by his devotion to his family and the many people he touched with his warmth and his humor. He moved to Newport News, Virginia at a young age, grew up in a tight-knit community. Communities like this don't exist anymore called Newsom Park. He graduated from Carver High School and still many of his high school classmates actually were at his funeral.

(04:16): And he went on to attend Norfolk State University, but he actually didn't graduate from college. He studied automotive mechanics, but ended up dropping out of college early to go to work. He went into the US Army for a little bit and then worked at the Newport News Shipyard for a little bit. And then he went on to have a 29 year career at UPS where he started out as a driver and he worked his way up into a managerial position. And people actually came out to his viewing who he had worked with 30 years before. At UPS. I had no idea how much he had touched people he worked with. There was a Facebook post about him and people said all these wonderful things about him. So that was really, really special. Now, Lawson was married to the love of his life. My mom, Lily May, and they were married for 61 beautiful years before he passed away together, they raised three daughters who were his pride and joy and his devotion to his girls.

(05:19): It was evident in everything he did. I really mean it. He was the absolute best father I could have asked for that was whether filling up empty gas tanks or he used to volunteer at my sister Patrice's school. And then in his later years, he became a dutiful member of the board of trustees at First Baptist Church. And he had a lifelong love of cars with a special fondness for his pickup truck. I'm going to mention that again in just a moment. His favorite colors were black and red, which became his signature part of his style. I'm going to tell you about that in a minute too. And he also had lots of expressions that I'm going to tell you about. He was an avid music listener. He particularly loved jazz, and he had a huge record collection of jazz albums that my sister now has, my younger sister.

(06:08): And he never missed an opportunity to eat a burnt hot dog with baked beans on the side. All right? Now, my dad was an amazing man. He had bucket loads of charm, an infectious smile of really go with the flow spirit. Even in his later years when the past three years or so when his health was declining, he really didn't complain. I'm not going to say he was happy, and he certainly wished that things were different in his life. Sometimes he would say that I just wish that things weren't like this. But he didn't wallow in it. He didn't complain. He really was just a go with the flow kind of person. Now, I don't want to paint this picture that he was this perfect man because he wasn't had his flaws like we all do, but he was a really, really good person and loved by all who met him.

(07:07): Of course, he will be deeply, deeply missed. And on the day of his funeral, it was just a really beautiful day, sunny. It was so nice to see family and friends and loved ones out there. So let me share some of the comments that we had at his funeral on the day of his funeral. We came together not just to say goodbye to our dad, but to honor a life full of love and memories that will forever stay with us. My dad was a man of few words, but he didn't need them. It was really his actions that spoke volumes, especially when it came to the way that he loved our mom and his three girls. I used to call him LLC, that was his initials, Lawson, Larry Calloway. So I would call him LLC, and his sisters and family members would call him Junior because he was a junior.

(07:59): My grandfather was also a Lawson, Larry Calloway. So I used to call him LLC. He was a man of quiet strength. He didn't express his love in grand speeches, but it was really in the countless ways that he showed up. Okay? I cannot overstate how much he showed up and the things that he did for us. He worked hard to make sure we had the things that we had and everything that we needed, and pretty much all of what we wanted. As I mentioned earlier, we were very spoiled. I mean, my dad would, he packed up all my stuff. He moved me two or three times, whether between med school and residency when I was in med school one time, and I lived about 30 minutes away from my parents when I was in medical school. Somehow I locked my keys in the car with the car running, and I had to go to a test.

(08:57): So I caught a ride with the neighbor, and I called my dad. I was like, oh, dad, I locked my keys in the car. Can you come unlock a car? And he was just like, okay, Lord, have mercy receipt Nicole. Okay? And he just came, unlocked it, turned it off. When I was in high school, I used to lock my keys in the car all the time. I would call him at work and he would leave work and come unlock the keys. Just countless ways that he showed up for us. And honestly, and actually, he really didn't say, I love you a lot. It wasn't until he got in his later years in his seventies that he actually said, I love you. But we didn't really miss it because we knew that he loved us based on his actions. Now, speaking of actions, he was also a man who believed in always being prepared, always being on time in his world, being on time meant being early.

(09:49): I still carry that with me today. Every time I'm late for something, it's like, oh my God, because we definitely had to get up and get places and be early many a morning. I recall being woken up so early to get on the road for a road trip because we cannot be late to anything. And now speaking of trips, my parents actually did a lot of traveling. My mom would set up these trips. My dad would act like he was completely uninterested in these trips, and then he would proceed to have a ball on these trips. They went all over the world together from the Mediterranean to Alaska, Hawaii, the Caribbean. They even rode camels in Egypt. But of course, our fondest memories of my dad are from closer to home. He had a love for cars when in the sixties he had this red Ford that he shocked my mom by painting himself, painting all black.

(10:46): He also had at one point this sky blue, Lincoln Continental with a white top. I will be honest, it looked a bit like a pimp car to tell you the truth. There was also a dark red Lincoln Continental with a black top. There were a couple of Mercedes, one of which he called Bozo, I don't know why. And then his most favorite cars were his Ford F-150 pickup trucks. He loved those pickup trucks. And I knew I was really, really a spoiled daddy's girl because he loved these trucks. If anybody touched them, if anybody did anything, you couldn't mess up the truck. But one day I drove the truck and I put a huge, I mean, huge dent in the side of his truck. I thought I was going to be in so much trouble, and he did not say a single word to me about it.

(11:39): So I was really, really a daddy's girl. And he actually gave his last pickup truck to my husband Falcon, and that's when we know, okay, he really loves Falcon because he gave Falcon his pickup truck. And I have to tell you about his famous rec room. He had this rec room. It was this room in our house, and it had black walls, all black walls. It had white leather furniture, like even the ceiling was black. Walls were black, ceiling was black, white leather furniture, bright red shag carpet and end tables that were giant dice cubes. I swear, I wish I had a picture that I could show you of the rec room. There was also a bar with full, fully stocked alcohol bar in the back. So it was like a little party room, and it was just a reflection of his style, perfect setting for his extensive jazz collection where he listened to music.

(12:32): We love that room, had so much fun in that room. And then another thing that I will always hold close is his birthday traditions. I'm thinking about my birthday when we got to be adults, he would send, as a joke, he would send a birthday card with $1 in it, okay, $1 in it. And in return, me being his twin, and not to be alldone on his birthday, I would send him a birthday card with one penny taped inside. And then of course, he had all these legendary sayings. He used to say, does the bear live in the woods? Whenever you ask him anything that had an obvious answer, whenever we got on the highway, he would say, don't get to stay any money. And whenever we would leave for a visit, he would always, always, always say thanks for the visit. He was also always very appreciative of everything that we did for him and my mom.

(13:25): And it was all these moments that made Lawson Callaway, the wonderful man with the two last names, as he'd often say. And he just had a way about him. He was kind, charming, handsome. He knew he was handsome too. Y'all, he wouldn't hesitate to tell us he was handsome. When I was growing up, my friend's mom's and I was a cheerleader. The other cheerleader's moms like, oh my God, your dad's so handsome. Your dad's so handsome. You'll have to look on my Instagram or on my website for a picture of him. He really had a smile that lit up the room. His quiet presence was such a steady force in our family, and though he didn't seek attention, he always had it. I am completely filled with gratitude for the time I had with my dad and his love, his smile and his lessons will stay with me forever.

(14:12): He has truly left a permanent mark on my heart, and I love my daddy so much. Okay, well, thank you for listening with me and learning about my dad, LLC as I affectionately called him. Now, birthdays always also remind me of my late sister Patrice. Patrice was 10 years older than me, and she used to call me Nunu. She passed away in 2010, one day before her 46th birthday. So it's been 14 years now that she passed away. She had a rare cancer that was something called a malignant transformation of a teratoma. A teratoma is a tury in the ovary. It's something called a germ cell tumor, and it contains different types of tissue in it, like hair, sometimes teeth and bone and fat. You may have seen pictures of them. They're also called a dermoid.

(15:09): Most cases these tumors are benign. But in my sister's case, it was malignant and by the time it was discovered, it had spread to her liver and lungs, and she really died in the prime of her life. She had just gotten her dream job a couple years before that of being an elementary school principal, and she was a principal at a school that nobody else wanted to go to. It was in a economically depressed area of town. No one wanted to go there. And she just did an amazing job with those students and uplifting those kids. They really loved her. The parents loved her as well. And to be honest, I was really angry for a little bit after her death because it felt so unfair that she was taken at such an early age and in the prime of her life. But with time, although I'm still very sad that she's not here, and I miss her so much, I think about her all the time.

(16:03): I have a deep gratitude for having her in my life and having her as my big sister. And I mean, she was definitely a big sister, a protected big sister, like call somebody's messing with me, big sister. And she's also just a reminder to have gratitude for life in general. It's still crazy to me that I have lived longer than she did. As I said, she died the day before her 46th birthday. And I know that people and women especially, can feel some kind of way about sharing their age, and I understand that. But for me, I will never, ever have a problem sharing my age because I know that every day truly, truly, truly is a gift. Tomorrow is not promised, and I'm so grateful to be here, to be healthy. I don't have any chronic long-term health conditions. I don't take any medications.

(16:59): I have wonderful family. I have wonderful friends. I'm privileged to do work that I love. So I am grateful for every single day of these 50 years that I have been able to live on this earth. And I will shout that out proudly from all the mountaintops. Now, I just want to end with kind of a few lessons that I've learned, and then what's next in the cards for me. So just some lessons that I've learned that have helped me to get to 50 and be in a great place. One is family first, and that's whether it's your born family or your chosen family, putting your family and your loved ones first, you will never regret that, and you will regret not doing. So, jobs are important, and we do important work, and we love our jobs, but you won't think that, oh, I wish I would've done more at my job.

(17:55): You just won't. So just put your family first, whether that's your born family or your chosen family, I promise you, you will not regret it. When I look back at some jobs and decisions that I've made and things that I worry about, I'm not even at those jobs anymore. It just doesn't matter so much in the long run. So put your family first. Next thing is that you must value your time. Your time and your health. Your time is one of your most precious assets, and if you don't value your time and make decisions about your time, then people will do with your time as they please hear me say that, okay? You have to value your time. You have to value your energy because if you don't, people will for sure take advantage of that. The next thing is that things don't matter so much.

(18:55): Really, it's more experiences that matter, okay? Things like a new pair of shoes, a new dress, they may be nice, but in the long run, they don't matter unless it is an experience. So if you feel good because you carry your new purse or you got your new outfit and that makes you feel good, that's a different story. But just having things for things, it really doesn't matter whether it's fancy this or that, but experiences do. So whether that's going with your family to a particular place or taking a trip or just spending some time together or even doing something where you put a little effort or save a little money and do something. Really, it's experiences that make the difference in life and just those things that are really going to form those long term memories. Okay? Next is happiness. Happiness starts internally. It's really an internal job to cultivate happiness.

(20:02): And happiness isn't something that is a result of what is happening externally. Happiness is really a decision and a choice to find and cultivate joy despite the challenging things that can be happening around you. However, your happiness can absolutely be supported externally. And what I mean by that is that the things around you can absolutely help support your happiness. So it starts internally, but it's okay that yes, externally things will help bring you happiness too, whether that's your family, whether that's your home, whether that's your job. So it starts internally, and then the things around you will support that happiness. Okay, I got a few more. Next is you got to stay true to your values and do not compromise. Stay true to your values and don't compromise on your values. Now, listen, this is not always easy, and if you hear that, you think that that ensures, oh, everything is going to be easy peasy and okay, and that's not true.

(21:13): Sometimes staying true to your values is hard. It can be difficult. It can lead to challenges, it can lead to loss even. But this is how you are going to be able to sleep at night, is staying true to your values and not compromising. So although it's not always easy, and it can actually at times be difficult, it will always in the end be worth it. All right, I got lemme say three more, three more, three more. Next step is shoot your shot. You will 1000% miss all of the shots that you don't take. And sometimes you're just going to have to do it scared. So shoot your shot. Do it anyway. It doesn't always mean you're going to make the shot, but you don't know until you try doing this whole podcast. And social media, I've definitely done things that I would not have otherwise generally felt comfortable with, and some things have landed, some things haven't.

(22:15): Some things have been slower than I like. Some things have been more than I thought they could ever be, but you won't know until you shoot your shot. And sometimes you just got to do it scared. A lot of times actually, you got to do it scared. Related to that is that clarity in your life is going to come from doing things, not from obsessively thinking about things. And that's not to say that planning isn't important because planning is actually really important to help you kind of navigate and go through life and deal with things. But you're going to get the real clarity from actually putting yourself out there and doing the thing, trying the thing, figuring out the thing, whether it's the new job, whether it's the new person, whether it's the new activity, whatever it is, clarity in your life is going to come from doing things, not from obsessively thinking about things.

(23:13): And then the last thing lesson that I've learned in my five decades on this earth is that y'all life is just really hard sometimes. Sometimes there are unimaginable difficulties. Sometimes things happen that will really never make sense. They're just nonsensical. We can't be understood why some things would happen the way that they do. But despite that, when I'll say and despite that because it's not about, and that there is still so much joy, there's still so much beauty, there's so much to be excited about with living and having the opportunity to have your life. There's so much gratitude there so that remember, even though there are difficult times, there's so much more joy, there's so much more beauty, there's so much more happiness to be had in life. And so what's next up for me? That's what I'm going to end with. What's next up for me?

(24:20): I'm in a period of transition and surrender on my mind right now, transition and surrender. My North Star, of course, is service. That is my purpose. Without question, I know I am here to be of service. I'm a servant leader. What that means is that my leadership and what I do and how I put myself out there, it really is focused on the growth and wellbeing of people, particularly pregnant women, pregnant people, and the communities around me. It's not about power and control. It's really about using my gifts to be in service to others and uplift others and help others. And the way that I'm doing that, still going to be rocking with the podcast. I love this podcast. It is like my third baby, and I'm going to continue with the podcast and I'm going to be branching into more speaking. I'm really feeling a season of wanting to make systems change.

(25:16): So I have to start speaking to doctors, hospitals, nurses, about making change within our system. Definitely going to be speaking out more in that regard. And I am actually working on a book, so I'm going to be starting to work on a book, so stay tuned for that coming out. Then really surrender. Surrender is my word. I'm in a period of surrender, and it's not about giving up. It's really about me letting go and let God or the universe, however you identify that. So let go and let God is my expression, and just intentionally and regularly tapping into a higher power to create more ease and flow. As I get into this next phase of my life, really just letting go of things that I can't control physically doing things like unclenching my muscles and releasing that tension that's caused by fear or really overwhelming desire for something, it's releasing that mental tightness, surrendering, not letting my mind just go, go, go, go, go, go, go.

(26:22): Just kind of releasing that mental tightness and surrendering as well. Opening myself up to grace and not being attached to a specific outcome. All I can do is what I can do and the outcome is going to be, is what it's going to be and not being attached to that. Then really just trusting myself. Even I don't understand everything that's happening, just trusting myself, trusting God, trusting the universe, however you want to put it, even when I don't understand everything that is happening. So that's where I am heading into my fifties, y'all. All right, so there you have it. That's it for this Birthday Reflections episode. I hope you enjoyed it. Let me know what you thought about it. Shoot me a DM on Instagram. I'm always on the gram. I'm on Instagram and Dr. Nicole Rankins, and while you're there, please follow me. Also, subscribe to this podcast wherever you're listening to me.

(27:18): Let me know what you think about the show. Drop me a note in Apple podcast. I love to hear what you think about it or just drop me a note in general, I love to hear what you think. I also love to get pictures. I never say this enough that I don't share the pictures with anybody, but anytime you send me pictures of both you and your baby, I just love it. It warms my heart. So if you want to send me some pictures on Instagram, I'm @drnicolerankins. I promise I don't share them with anybody else. I just love to see them myself. Okay, so that's it for this episode. Do come on back next week and remember that you deserve a beautiful pregnancy and birth.