Ep 303: Letting Go: My NICU Baby Heads to College

Speaker 1 (00:00.322)

This episode is a little different. My husband, Falcon, takes over the mic to interview me after we dropped our oldest off at college. This is our NICU baby born eight weeks early. So you know I was a hot mess when we dropped her off. I had no idea what questions Falcon was going to ask, but what came of it is a raw heartfelt conversation about parenting, growth, and letting go.

Speaker 1 (00:30.124)

Welcome to the birth with power podcast where knowledge is power and power transforms birth. I'm Dr. Nicole Callaway-Rankins, mom of two and practicing board certified OB-GYN with over 20 years of experience and nearly 2000 births attended. I've seen firsthand how the hospital system can leave women feeling unheard and uncertain, but that doesn't have to be your story.

Here, you'll get the knowledge, support, and strategies to take charge of your birth experience so you can walk into the hospital feeling calm, confident, and empowered. Note, this podcast is for educational purposes only and it's not a substitute for medical advice. See the full disclaimer at drncolmargaines.com forward slash disclaimer. Now let's get to it.

Hello there. Welcome to another episode of the podcast. This is episode number 303. Whether this is your first time listening or you've been here before, you know, I'm glad you're spending some time with me today. Now this is a very special episode, a little different than usual. My husband Falcon had the idea to take over the podcast and interview me after we dropped our oldest daughter off at college.

What makes this moment even more meaningful is that this is our NICU baby. She was born eight weeks early. She had an intestinal malformation called duodenal letresia that was surgically repaired three days after birth. She spent the first month of her life in the NICU. So yes, of course I cried like a baby when we dropped her off. I had no clue what questions Falcon was going to ask, which makes this conversation even more real, honest, and it is completely unscripted.

So if you've ever thought about how fast time flies or wondered how you will ever let go of your sweet baby, this episode is for you. We are talking parenting, regrets, joy, and what it means to raise a whole human being. I hope you enjoy it.

Speaker 2 (02:46.83)

It is Birth with Power, right? Yep. Okay. All right. So cue the music and welcome to the Birth with Power podcast. I'm Dr. Falcon Rankins. I am not an OBGYN. I'm not a board certified physician. I'm really not really certified to do most of what I do. I've delivered zero babies. Why are you laughing?

I'm not 11. I'm sorry go ahead go

But. hosted zero podcasts. So saying that today's episode in particular is even for educational purposes might be bit of a stretch. So if you haven't had the chance to read the disclaimer at Dr. Nicole Rankins, I highly urge you to do that right now. So my guest today on this episode is the person who we actually came to listen to, Dr. Nicole Calloway Rankins. And I've been on I'll say that I've been on this podcast as a guest once before and never been invited back.

you

Speaker 1 (03:35.758)

What

But I thought on this momentous occasion of our first-born child going off to college that maybe it'd be a good idea to come spend a little time talking about that and reflecting on things. So thank you for joining me and letting me take over this episode.

Y'all, okay. I did not get any prep for this whatsoever, but here we are. I'm excited. Thank you for having me as a guest on my podcast, I guess.

Welcome. So today we are talking about our child going off to college, is definitely not a pregnancy or birth related topic.

Not immediately, but for everyone who has a baby, know, it's this stage of life that you likely will get to.

Speaker 2 (04:23.342)

Yeah, so before we jump in, why don't we talk about that for a second? Because I'm curious, thinking back 17, 18 years ago, the early days of being a mom, or even when you were still pregnant before she was born, were you thinking a lot about this moment?

That's a great question. To be honest with you, no, I have no recollection of thinking of like what was gonna happen even like a year after she was born. For those of you who haven't heard this story before, our first child was born eight weeks early and she was in the NICU for a month. She had surgery three days after she was born in order to correct an intestinal malformation. And if I start giggling, it's because...

My whole family makes fun of me telling that story all the time. But yeah, so at the time, no, I was just like, is she going to be okay? Is she going to be developmentally, have any issues that we're going to have to have challenges with? Honestly, thinking back to pregnancy, her particular intestinal malformation can be associated with chromosome concern. So I was concerned maybe she might have Down syndrome.

long story or short story long, no, I was not thinking about college. I was definitely just thinking about what we were going to get through for those next few months.

Well, let's talk a little bit about what actually did happen. Yeah, so today's Wednesday. We dropped off your child at college last Thursday. So you've had a few days to acclimate and reflect on everything. And it's funny, in my notes, I was about to say, like, just to put things in perspective, like every time that you tell somebody that this kid is going off to college, you always share a certain set of facts about her with that person, whether they asked or not. You already you beat me to that punch. So yes.

Speaker 1 (06:17.26)

Yes, yes, I always tell that story. I've told that story so many times. Well, it's not because I'm like trying to get anything out of it. It's just such a meaningful part of how her life started that it's hard not to tell that story.

Definitely. So dropping your kid off at college is a big deal. How'd it go?

Okay, so there's so much that's wrapped up into this. I will say that one thing I appreciated and I have to give you credit for helping me to realize this was that I took the summer and stepped back from doing the podcast and social media and things and that left a lot more space in.

my schedule in order to spend time with her and get like college parent ready. I was watching all the webinars and reading all the emails and I read the book that they said there was like a book club and I read the book. So I felt really good and kind of proud of myself that I took that time and stepped back and.

actually listen to your suggestion to step back. We all know how hard-headed I can be. And it was just really nice to have that, because that's not time that you can ever get back. don't go to college for the first time again. So that was really nice. So I felt really prepared and like I understood everything and what was going to happen. And I felt good that she asked me a lot of questions about, you know,

Speaker 1 (07:54.284)

registration for class and filling out this form because she could see that I was keeping on top of things. And let me back up even more and say, y'all, for the first 16.5 years of her life, was the Dr. Falcon Rankin who was the one who was always on top of those things, on top of like the forms and what to do for school. He took them to all the doctor's appointments. He did hair in the morning. He did the best Afro puffs I've seen. So he was the one who was always doing that part of day to day of

of raising them. So it was just different for me to do it. And I'm really glad that I got that opportunity. So I feel like that's important for me to say. And then I guess we should get into then what actually happened on the day.

Well, thank you for that.

Speaker 2 (08:36.046)

Yeah, I was about to go there, but like first you have to give me a second to recover because there was a lot in there. So thank you for all the things that you said that were directed my direction. do appreciate that. And thank you for also just doing all the work that you did do to get this child ready to go to school because you really did do more than your share of the work. So I appreciate that.

Well, thank you. Yeah, well, I, it was, it's actually, I actually enjoyed it. And, and it was also nice because she wanted me to be involved. Like we did dorm shopping together and we had a fun day together and lunch and things like that. So all of that was great.

Yeah, but still you're scurrying around like the main event though, right? So like tell me about the day.

Yes, yes, the day. so I'm not gonna lie. I thought I was worried that it was gonna be a little bit stressful. All of us in our family tend towards the anxious side a little bit. All four of us can be anxious. So I was worried it was gonna be dramatic and like the packing and we were all gonna be yelling at each other and this side and the other. But actually it was not that way. She got everything together, packed and it was...

pretty low key for her getting her room together. And then that morning we got off and things were good. Would you agree with that? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So I thought things got up to a good start. And I will say where she's going to college, she's going to William & Mary, they have the move-in process very together. So you knew exactly where you were supposed to go. You pulled out your QR code. You had the street you went to. All of those things were very straightforward.

Speaker 1 (10:15.116)

I was feeling excited driving down, going on to campus. I had like a list of things to talk about in the car, like my last minute, like don't take a drink from anyone. like, you know, make sure you don't walk on campus alone. So I threw those last minute things in the car. She would not let me take pictures. So I had to sneak any pictures that I could get. She doesn't like to take pictures. So we had to sneak a few pictures in. And then getting on campus, it was just like,

Okay, we're here. And I will say also, I was sitting in the backseat because we were driving my dad's pickup truck that he gave Falcon a few years ago. And so I was sitting in the backseat. So I had the perspective of being able to look at her and look at my little baby and see like, my gosh, like this child is, we are dropping her off at college. So got there and we got in the little line and we pulled up.

they have like a check-in station and that first station, they hand you tissues. Thank God. I was like, yeah, let me get those. And then I just started like tearing up right there. Cause that's when it really like sorta, okay, we're doing this. I have to drop this child off for college. So that was kind of how things started for the day.

I did have packs of tissues strategically placed in various locations.

Okay, see, I didn't know that. See, I told you all he was always the more prepared, like on top of things parents. So this doesn't surprise me at all that there were tissues ready in the car.

Speaker 2 (11:47.598)

So when did, so I was gonna ask about how like the buildup compared to the actual event, but it sounds like it was a little bit easier than maybe we thought it was gonna be going into it.

Yeah, it was definitely easier in terms of the logistics of it and getting everything ready and getting things done. I will say, again, the college gives you a lot like the checklist and exactly what to bring and prepare. So all of that was actually pretty straightforward. And then getting on campus was straightforward. Even unpacking it and they have a system where you like drop the stuff off outside and then you get it upstairs.

It was a lot of fun decorating her room and unpacking everything, all four of us in this tiny room. They have like a scheduling system where you can't, you you have your own specific time and you get in this, that, and the other. But we were all just kind of doing a little bit of this, putting up posters and making the bed and putting the clothes away and hanging up things. So all of that was fun.

It fun for you, but getting those posters and her picture wall straight and organized and aligned well and evenly spaced out, that was stressful for me.

Yeah, well that's because you're like exacting. You're the person who like has lines, you know, out in the yard. If you're putting a garden in, you're going to like laser level exactly how the lines are. So that's just your like exacting nature.

Speaker 2 (13:08.238)

going to do these things. When did you start preparing for this? Like in your mind, like when did you really feel like you had to start coming to grips with your baby going off to college, you know?

Honestly, when we started doing college tours and just thinking about the places that felt like would be a good next, the best next step for her based on her personality and who she is and.

and wanting what's best for her and wanting her to be in an environment that would be most supportive of her. So I think just going on college tours when it first started to click like, okay, this child is leaving. Those were the first seeds. And then making sure she's in a place that can help her thrive. That's when it first started to hit me. And then just over the months, it's just like, okay, there's...

SATs and then there's college applications and then a little more, creeps in a little more, a little more, a little more.

Were there any strategies, any mantras, anything that you kind of relied on to get you through this?

Speaker 1 (14:28.718)

Strategies, I would say, definitely, I definitely approached this and I'm confident about this. I approached this as looking through the lens of what is going to be best for her, not exactly like.

what I think I want to do. Like an example of that is I went to Spelman, I went to North Carolina A &T State University, shout out to HBCUs. I actually wanted her to go to an HBCU, an Historically Black College, because being in that environment can help give you such a confidence boost going into life. And so much of it is designed around empowering people who look like us. So I wanted her to go to an HBCU, but that wasn't the right fit for her.

When we visited Spellman, just didn't quite, she didn't feel right for her. And for me, I didn't feel like this is probably the right place for her. So it was just really important to look at it through the lens of what is the best thing for her, but also like helping her keep her options open, knowing that she may change her mind.

knowing that she comes from two parents who completely did something different than what they initially thought. So having those options was, were important. So some of it was like just feeling like, how does this feel for her? Does this feel right for her when we were going different places? And I will say where she ended up felt like it was a right fit for her when we went on campus. What do you, how do you, what do you think?

Yeah, 100 % agree that this is, I think this is the right place for her, where she is. Excited to see how she takes advantage of it.

Speaker 1 (16:13.612)

Yes, yeah.

So today is actually the first day of classes for her. So you are now officially the mother of a college student. How does it feel to hear that?

Speaker 1 (16:28.756)

Like, you know what I mean? Like, I'm still, I don't know. Like, that's just, everybody says time flies and, you know, but listen, time will fly and you will one day be the mother of... I can't bring myself to say the mother of an adult. Like, that's just crazy to me. But yeah, time flies. And it actually brings up a lot of things, not just...

this human being that I have had the privilege of helping grow and raise and like how she shows up in the world is gonna be a reflection of the things that we pour into her. But it also leads me to reflect on my own life and what have I done in this period of time that she's grown up and maintain my own sense of who I am while still being her mother.

All of those things kind of come up. Of course, there's some regrets of like, did I do everything I was supposed to do? Did I help her the right way? Did I support her the right way? So that comes into play too.

Yeah, so it's funny, but actually my next question was, was in a few months on top of everything, we will be the parents of an adult child. She did start school a little bit early. So she left the college and she's not quite 18 yet, but like we're on the doorstep of having an adult child. So how does, how does parenting look different going forward? Or how does it look the same? Like what, what changes if anything?

Yeah, so some parts of the same like for the next few years. Okay, that's a lie. I was going to say for the next few years, but for the rest of her damn life, I will kick down the effing door if I feel like she needs her mama. Okay. So they know my children both say that I'm crazy. They know I will, I'm, I'm carrying it, whatever you want to call it, the situation for my children. am ride or die mother, mommy. Okay. So they know that that is not going to change.

Speaker 1 (18:34.382)

But definitely just having to step back and help her to learn how to support her own wings, like be there, but not be overbearing is going to be important. And I honestly feel like I am grateful.

in the sense that I have a great example of that for my own parents. They never really like said, you have to do this or you have to do that. Or they always, even when I said like, you know, I think I'm going to study abroad for a year. I mean, they were like a little bit nervous, but they were like, OK, all right. You know, they even came to visit me. They never discouraged me from doing anything. Always supportive, even through like whenever I wanted to.

move or look at a house or if I thought I wanted to buy a car, I would always like ask my parents. Like I wanted and valued their advice. So I want to create that same type of situation or environment for us to create that with our child where they can depend on us for things, but they can also make decisions for themselves.

So that's looking forward to what parenting is going to be. You're ready to reflect a little bit on what it was like to raise a child?

okay, let me stretch because this is going to be yes. Okay, let's do it.

Speaker 2 (20:01.56)

So what was it like raising a mini me?

Okay, first off, I really don't appreciate you having to throw that mini-me in there.

Yeah, because I don't know if people have heard to this point me talking about this child is your child, right? And I mean, not to start anything, but like, this child is definitely your child. It's definitely your mini-me. So what's that been like to have somebody who is just such a strong reflection of yourself?

Yes, that is like both beautiful and terrifying at the same time. I do worry that I have, because I've said this before, but I can struggle with anxiety in different periods in my life. I have struggled with self-doubt despite no reason to. Like I'm incredibly smart, capable.

like, you know, honor society, top of the class, all of those things, yet still even into adulthood doubting myself. And she is 10 times more brilliant than me. And she has those seeds of self doubt sometimes as well. So I want to, and I worry that I haven't like helped her to.

Speaker 1 (21:24.61)

be comfortable like shining her light because shining your light doesn't mean you're trying to like outshine others or that you're better than other people. It just means you're comfortable with being who you are. So that part has been a little tricky and I wish I would have given her some better strategies to help deal with anxious thoughts and being confident in yourself.

What did you give her? What do you think are some of most important things that she's learned from us?

wow.

Speaker 1 (21:59.413)

Ugh.

I think that she's a very kind person. She's a caring person. I don't think she's judgmental. I think we've taught them to value.

to value human beings for who they are.

So just to be clear, I'm asking what she learned from us, right? Like the kindness, did she learn that from us?

Are you saying that we're not kind people? Of course we are.

Speaker 1 (22:33.986)

Yeah, no, I think that we have modeled that. I do believe that we have modeled some kindness and helping people and things like that. I I think I honestly feel like I've taught her, whether intentional or not, I feel like I've taught her a little bit about showing up and doing things even when you're scared. I talked to her a lot about starting this podcast and

the both girls starting the podcast and the business and, I got to do a webinar and I have to think about this and, and, I don't like being on social media, but I'm being on social media and, and doing those things, even though I felt uncomfortable with that. So I don't know that we ever sat down and were like, these are the lessons that you have to learn. But I do believe we did a very good job of modeling good behaviors and, and, values.

and things. They very much have an appreciation, I think, for who they are as young women, as being a black young woman, and being comfortable with that. So I think that we've done a good job with that. I feel like I want to turn the tables on you because I feel like I'm missing something. But that's enough, right? Like doesn't have to be like 5,000 things.

Yes, in all seriousness, I do agree that we have done our part in teaching them to be kind and good people. think we should be happy with the job that we

And I also think we've done a good job of supporting, helping them to not, I don't want to say not be stereotyped, helping them to be whoever they like and whoever they want to be. So as an example, y'all have heard me say my older daughter is a diehard Swiftie. Like she loves Taylor Swift.

Speaker 1 (24:25.966)

I mean, I don't know the landscape of black Swifties out there, but I don't know that they're like a whole ton of them. But we never were like, why do you like to, well, maybe you were, but I wasn't.

That's one of the things, all honesty, one of the things I respect the most about her is that she knows that I'm not a Taylor Swift fan and that I would probably prefer she be a super fan of somebody else. But that's her thing, right? She stands up without her thing. She's a proud Swiftie and she would probably be the president of the Taylor Swift Club at her institution. And she doesn't need my approval on that. And I think that that's a great thing.

Yeah.

Speaker 1 (25:06.006)

Yeah, it is. is. So she is who she is. She likes, she loves Legos. Recently she's into Formula One. So I believe we've modeled like, it's okay to be whoever you are, be whoever you are. That's important. And that we value that. We respect that. We appreciate that.

So that's what she's learned from you, from us. What did you learn from her? What did raising this child teach you about life?

That's a good question. Patience, I would say, because I don't need, and that's back to the mini me, neither one of us, neither she nor I are patient people, I will say. Which you think is crazy. I guess the only place that I'm patient is like in birth. Like I don't have a problem being patient there, but everywhere, I guess I use all of my patients there, but otherwise, like I am not patient person. But I feel like she's helped me to develop a bit more patience.

this is a good one. She's helped me to value children's perspective or helped me value young people. We valued her as a human being, I guess I should say. Like we were never like, you have to do things this way because that's, well, sometimes it would come to that because that's what we say. But we certainly listened. We did a lot of

They ask questions, we would explain things. She's been asking questions since she was very young. So I think just appreciating her mind and the value of what young people can bring to a conversation. Oh, she definitely taught me the value of...

Speaker 1 (26:56.97)

apology and being comfortable apologizing. I cannot recall a time when my parents ever really apologized to me necessarily about something, but I certainly would say, you know, boo boo, I'm sorry. This was not the way I said that was, was not very appropriate or I blew up or I wish I could have handled that differently. So definitely taught me the value of apology.

Okay, so last set of questions I have listed as rapid fire so we can do this as quickly or as long as you You just talked about you know In the sense of apologies and which differently but this question is if you had to do it over again What's one thing you would make sure to do exactly the same?

All right,

Speaker 1 (27:40.206)

let her be herself. And like, just let her be her. And I say that in the sense that, I, when I went through school, I was a class officer, I was a cheerleader, I was captain of the cheerleading team. Like I was kind of like that sort of person. And I never pressured her to feel like she had to do anything. So I would still 1000 % let her be

Like I may have made some different choices, like when she wanted to dress for a certain event, or if she, you know, do you want somebody to come do your makeup or do, you know, things like that. But I've never pressured her in that way. I always let her be her.

What's something that you worried about along the way that you now, looking back, wish you hadn't worried so much about?

would say in the beginning, this faded away, but definitely her development, how she would develop mentally because she was a preemie and physically because she was a preemie, all of that ended up being fine and there were resources and things to help. So I kind of worried like how she would develop.

Yeah, I thought you were going mention the ridges in her head when she was first born.

Speaker 1 (28:56.142)

Oh, listen, y'all. OK, so I'm not going to lie. OK, and I've told her this story before. When she first came out and I looked at her, I was like, I mean, oh, she she kind of looks like a Cleon is what I said. Forgive me. But that's what I said. Cleon is from Star Trek. So I was like, you know, how's this going to work out? Her head, was huge. Her head was huge. I mean, it was huge. And like 99 percentile. Apparently the two of us make children with big heads. So and then it was just like, is it going to?

Is it going to help? So yes, that all of that sorted itself out.

Sorry for bringing that up, boo boo. What's a moment you wish you had a picture of?

you know the answer to that. Yes. She when she was a baby, she had this little frown on her face where she would turn her lips, I mean, into the most like if there's such a thing as a picture perfect frown of an upset baby, then that would be it. And we do not have a picture of that at all. I don't know why, but that is the one picture that I wish I had.

She also had the best side eye when she was little.

Speaker 1 (30:09.934)

1000%.

A question from a caller. How much effort will be required to ensure that you actually let our younger child leave for college in two years?

Man, man, listen, okay. I don't know about that. yeah, we'll have to do another episode about the differences between children. They are like night and day in a lot of ways. Like our older one is, I wish I could show y'all a picture of her room, the way she left her room. And she's just like a little more messy and scattered. Whereas the younger one, I think the best way to describe her is that

If you need to find somebody who's organized and gonna have all the things for a zombie apocalypse, it's our younger daughter, okay? She's gonna know how to cook, where to go, where to get all of the things. She's gonna pull some random thing out of her bag, cause she's just on a whole nother level of like organization. She can cook, her room is tidy, all of those things. Like she gets up and does yoga in the morning now, recently. Like that's where she is. So it's gonna be hard to...

again, to be an empty nester. But I mean, guess I'll do it. Supposedly I have to.

Speaker 2 (31:30.83)

All right, last question. You ready? So, bear with me. You find a way to send a single text message back to yourself that will arrive at 11 p.m. on November 16th, 2007. So you've just been through a bit of a traumatic day. You brought this child into the world. You're recovering from the C-section that I know you talked about and told everyone about.

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2 (32:00.994)

You've just had the best chicken filet sandwich of your life. So you can send yourself a text message to that moment in time. Right. But you've got your old phone. So that text message has to be 160 characters or less. Keep it short. Just a couple of sentences tops. What's the message going to say?

I hope I'm not gonna start crying, but.

Speaker 1 (32:27.36)

Okay, I would say.

Speaker 1 (32:32.834)

Be more present.

I wish that I was more.

present for moments. And I don't mean that I missed moments in the sense that like, I actually was able to attend school functions and those kinds of things, but I spent too much time even while I was there where I'd be thinking about like, I have this thing to do for work or I need to get a podcast episode done or I need to, you

do this or that. just being more present in the moments of her life and my life. that because all you ever have is the present moment. So just being more present, just be more present to enjoy those moments is what I would say.

So cool, that's not 160 characters, bye. So you can send that and then I can tack on to that too to also be kind to yourself.

Speaker 1 (33:53.224)

so interesting. Why would you say that? Why do you think that that's something that I should say to myself?

Because there's not been a day in the past 16, 17, 20 years where there hasn't been a ton of stuff going on.

and for you and me both. And I think that we've done the best job that we can to just kind of get through things and be as present as possible and do what we felt was best at the time. You know, because at that point we were thinking, we were kind of thinking about today and like making sure that she was ready for it, making sure that we were ready for it, you know. So yeah, don't beat yourself up about it.

Yeah, I will do have a tendency to beat myself up about things. We did do, and I will say, I believe we did a great job. She's a wonderful human being. She will figure some things. It's going to take her a minute to figure some things out, but she will get there. Were we perfect? No, I never taught the child, I think, how to properly clean up her room.

My apologies to her roommate or whoever her future partners are. The girl does not know how to clean very well, but otherwise I think we did okay.

Speaker 2 (35:07.85)

She does know how to stick shift though. If you ever need somebody to do that, she's your person.

That is true, thanks to you.

Speaker 1 (35:15.15)

She is indeed, she is indeed.

Alright, well since I'm a Rookie Podcast host, I'm realizing that I did not prepare a closeout.

Speaker 2 (35:25.806)

So I'm gonna give you your podcast back real quick so you can close this out.

All right, well, thank you. Thank you, thank you. I appreciate it, husband. And thank you for being really side by side with me on this journey of parenthood. I cannot imagine having done it with anybody else. I am grateful that you are the father to our children and they are lucky to have you. I'm lucky to have you. So thank you.

and the same. We are lucky to have you and it's been a fun

It has been a fun journey.

Speaker 1 (36:13.546)

All right. Whether I'm at the mic or Falcon's at the mic after the conversation, I'm still doing Dr. Nicole's notes, which are my top takeaways from the conversation. And here are my Dr. Nicole's notes with my conversation with my husband, Falcon. one, time flies and you cannot get it back. This summer before sending her off to college was really a gift. I stepped back from the podcast and social media and I was just fully present doing that.

was hands down one of the best decisions I have ever made in my life. So just remember that each phase of parenting is really a one-time gift. So you have to soak up those moments while you can because you cannot get them back. Number two, you never, and I mean never forget the NICU, but the memory does soften. That first month of her life,

was intense being in the NICU, having surgery, the uncertainty of how things were going to go for her. We visited her every single day, twice a day, except for one day when we only went once that day and we still feel guilty about that. I cried every day. She was in the hospital. I eventually limited myself to only crying three times a day because it was like something that I could control when everything else felt out of control.

So the NICU journey is something that I will always carry, but the edges have definitely softened over time. Now, if you have a NICU baby, if you want some excellent advice about navigating the NICU journey, this is advice I wish I would have had at the time. Listen to episode 76 of my podcast with neonatologist, Dr. Terry Major-Kincaid. That is drnicholrenkins.com forward slash episode 76. Okay.

Number three on my Dr. Nicole's notes is let your children be who they are. Whether she was geeking out over Legos or listening to Taylor Swift's Evermore for the 300,000th time, or she was not wearing matching socks because she couldn't be bothered with finding matching socks, we never pressured her to fit a mold. Letting our children be their full

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authentic selves is truly one of the best gifts that we can give them. But that does lead me to my next point, which is this. We were great parents or are great parents, but not perfect parents. We did a great job. We've always done a great job of letting our daughters be themselves. We've never censored books. We've never censored music. Even when the lyrics were pretty adult, we'll say,

And every now and then we look at a book and think, that's maybe a lot for her age. And you'd be surprised again at the music playing in our house at times, but we just roll with it. And I believe that it has worked out, but we did a horrific job at monitoring screen time and social media use. And I think part of that is because we were figuring it out for ourselves, how to monitor screen time and social media use.

And then the other thing is that I wish we would have had her in more social activities growing up, but we truly did our best. And then the last thing I will say is that it's okay to be a ride or die mom, but you do have to learn how to loosen the reins too. I will 1000 % kick any door down if my child needs me. And I am saying that with my whole entire chest, but I also know

that it is time to step back and let her fly. The balance of support and space is where growth will happen for her and growth will happen for us as parents too. We will always be here for her and she knows that. Okay, so that is it for this episode. Thanks so much for listening today. If this episode helped you, share it with a friend and hit subscribe so you never miss a thing.

And if we're not connected yet, come follow me on Instagram at Dr. Nicole Rankins. My DMs are open. Truly love hearing from you, what you think about the show, any show ideas, or just drop me a note and say hello. And then do me one more favor and come on back next week. And remember, trust your power, take charge of your birth.